No doubt we all love kids as much as we were adored by everyone in our childhood but this does not mean we have learnt everything about right parenting growing up from our parents or other elders who brought up their kids successfully.
Although there are different parenting techniques now that psychology has also given them names and characteristics to make it easy to figure out where you are in the parenting pyramid, but still even after ignoring many wrong parenting skills, we can still be using some words that are unhealthy for Mental Health of our kids.
Today we are going to list down Ten things and phrases that parents tend to use a lot, but they are just destroying their kids and their mental and emotional health by these words.
1 Giving Them Too Much Financial Information
You must be going through a tough financial crisis phase and having too many over the top demands from your kids can be daunting to you and may cause you to lose temper and tell them that you have no money or you are not rich enough for their demands.
You might be thinking that they should know the reality to never ask again or might be more considerate before making a demand. But giving out too much financial information can actually eat up the self-esteem of your child and he or she may feel a lack of confidence and start comparing themselves to others and feel low.
Therefore, you should never share loads of information even in frustration, because there are thousands of other ways to say no to a kid politely.
2 You Can Become Anything You Wish To Be
You must be sure of your child's potential or he may be an extraordinary person, but we will still ask you to refrain from telling them that they can be anything they want to be.
Kids who are raised under these circumstances can not really cope well with the failures in something they wanted to achieve and having known all life they could do anything, even small rejections or failure can put these kids at risk of getting hurt mentally and physically.
3 I Need You To Do Great On Every Test
With time parents have started to forget that the purpose of education is knowledge, not grades or full marks on a result card. Almost every child is facing this issue, where parents want them to get A-plus grades only, despite knowing that even with good grades their kid is having vast knowledge and knows everything by heart, not by the rote learning system.
By putting your kids under this constant pressure of doing the absolute best in attaining grades, parents are doing nothing but putting their kids into a dark room with no water and food. Let them study and learn or your constant pressure will make them judgemental and they will never be able to love themselves upon getting a grade not good enough for their parents.
4 Your Friend A Must Have Gotten An "A" Like Always
Imagine getting all dressed up for your partner and them telling you that their friend's wife looked amazing at the party. How will that feel like to you?
Your kid was not born to be compared to others. Everyone has a different capacity and intellectual level. What mattered was that your kid passed them exams and moved to the next level of their education lane.
By comparing your kid's grades or marking you are telling them how less worthy they are and no one should be made to feel like that ever!
5 Body Shaming Your Child Or Others In Front Of Him/Her
Body shaming is never an option either it is about your kid or about someone else right in front of them for two most important reasons:
- If you will body shame your own child that will never let him be able to fight their bullies outside. They may be getting overweight, but there is always a way to tackle kids when things are getting unhealthy. Rather than saying "Stop eating that you will become fatter", you could say "Hey buddy! Let's not eat that unhealthy stuff. You should join me in my diet & exercise routine from tomorrow, I think it will be a healthy and a good time for us to spend together."
- Never body shame or insult anyone in front of your child. We want to raise respecting individuals for society & charity begins at home. Rather than telling them, it is easy to hurt others by body shaming them, you should learn with them how to be kind to others and how every person is beautiful in their own skin and color.
6 Stop Crying & Calm Down
Before telling your kids to not cry and calm down, when they are having an outburst, you must ask yourself were you able to stop crying from your first heartbreak when your friends told you to do so?
Kids are too small to act wisely or like elders. They are learning to express their feelings and for them, sadness will always end up in tears because they are not big enough to hide it and stay in a room for hours to not let it affect others with them. Therefore rather than telling them to stop crying, hug them and tell them you are there for him/her and they can take their time and cry if they want to but you both will have to talk it out and figure out the problem together.
LEt them cry, hold them tightly and when their tantrum is gone, sit down with them and discuss things and let them know why you had to tell them no and reward them if they learn from it.
7 I Am Disappointed In You
No one amongst us would like to hear we were a disappointment for our parents.
This is the most strong and brutal word to tell to your child. From birth, our kids start living and learning to make us feel proud when they grow up and become someone special.
Telling children that they are a disappointment for minor mistakes or low grades or whatsoever reason it maybe is just like adding fuel to the fire. Such kids lose their confidence and self-esteem and they may not be able to love themselves or even their parents in case if it becomes a routine and you can never appreciate their efforts enough.
8 I Told You This Will Not Work
Children learn from mistakes, just like we learn from mistakes either it's a relationship or landing in a wrong job.
If your child took a decision of their own and it did not go according to the plan, then you should never tell them that you told them earlier that it won't work for them. This way you are telling them that they will not be good enough to make a decision themselves and out of your own habit you may never let them take their own decisions because you think you can tell them what is better and what's not.
Kids who feel they are not good at decision making will make choices based on your advice that they might regret all their lives despite being successful in them. It is just like marrying a person who loves you immensely but you detest them and each day with them is like a hell.
9 Why Cannot You Be Like Your Sister/Brother?
This is a very awful way to deal with your child. Not all kids in the same family can be alike in their nature. Some can naughty and some can be really well-groomed. Every kid has their own quality and characteristics. You can never compare two siblings either it getting good grades or a job.
By comparing a child to his/her sibling you are not only making them feel self-conscious and lower but you are also going to create hatred & jealousy in their heart for their sibling that might never let them enjoy a good bond all their lives. Such rivalries can end for a lifetime.
10 That Kid Is Nothing In Your Comparison
You must be thinking why should we not praise our kids in comparison to others. They will feel good about themselves and the other kid does not really know that we talked about him.
The thing is not about the other kid's unawareness of this comparison being made.
We all want to raise a kid that will be socially great and responsible. If you will teach your kids inequality and that everyone is low in comparison to them, they will learn this trait and incorporate it into their personality forever. such kids when going away from their homes into higher education, hostels, or jobs and there are other people who are better than them and get appreciated, these kids can not cope up with that and end up feeling miserable.
Tell them that you are proud of them instead and tell them that there will be people outside in the world who might know or do more than them, but they will always matter to you the most and that they should appreciate their colleagues and mates if they are doing well and keep striving to do well themselves and their hard work will pay off in one wy or the other.
We really hope that it all made sense and you could find out multiple things that you must have used in a way or the other with your child and the outcome must now be making sense that why they acted the way you never imagined.
There are many other things that can be mentioned in the same discussion topic. If you want more on it, do let us know in the comments section.